This past Wednesday my husband, Brad had knee surgery to fix a torn meniscus in his right knee. May last year he had the same procedure on his left knee. Each time he went for his procedures it took me back to his 18-month battle with colorectal cancer and all that we went through as a couple. He went through what cancer patients go through, which I will never understand the stress they are under, but at the same time I was under a totally new level of stress that I had never experienced before. As his sole caregiver there was a huge amount of stress on me. As some of you may know, when you first get that cancer diagnosis you feel like you have been hit by a bus. All sorts of things start racing through your head and you don’t know which way is up. All of a sudden you become the research hound, the information gather with all the medical records, medications, appointments, etc. It is a whole new world.
Fortunately, we came across a wonderful organization called “Life with Cancer”, they became a lifeline for us. They offered so many services free of charge including a support group for colorectal cancer and a support group for caregivers of cancer patients. At last we were not alone! Although there were times that we felt very much alone with no family around to help out. At the time we were in Virginia, Brad’s family was in Los Angeles and mine was in New Zealand.
Yet while all this was going on we bought our Cruise Planners franchise. Nuts! Totally!! To this day I still don’t understand completely why we would do something stressful like start a business while going through all the stresses related with being a patient and a caregiver. I know you are probably wondering what were thinking…we still ask ourselves that to this day!
During this 18-month journey we learned a lot about each other and what it means to love someone unconditionally. I also learned that as a caregiver I needed to take care of myself first so I could take care of my husband. Not an easy thing to do to carve out time for yourself when taking care of a loved one. This experience gave me a new appreciation for people who are caregivers 24/7 to their children, parents, or spouses and for much longer than 18-months. We are talking years of care. For some people it is taking care of their kids from the day they were born due to some disability they were born with. For some it is taking care of a child or parent or spouse who becomes disabled through illness, or an accident.
With Brad’s journey I learned to carve out time for myself, I learned to ask for help, which for me was one of the biggest hurdles I had to overcome. I learned it was okay for me to breakdown and cry instead of staying upbeat all the time. I also learned how precious and short life is and my positive attitude helped carry us through. I learned to be patient and I learned that laughter is indeed the best medicine. If we did not have laughter, no matter how corny it was, in our lives I’m sure we would not have come through as well as we did. I also learned the value of HUG. Giving another caregiver a hug became huge to me. When words were not enough a hug transferred the right words and feelings to the other person. Every time I was at a support group meeting I would make sure I got there early and that I was first. I wanted to be the first there and the last to leave and I wanted to make sure that everyone got a hug when they arrived and one when they left. The hardest hugs I had to give were at my final caregivers meeting just days before we moved west as I didn’t know when I would see these wonderful people again.
As I have stated one of the biggest lessons we learned during our journey was the importance of taking a break and taking care of ourselves so we could be there for each other. At times I felt like I was on the sidelines watching this surreal show take place and finding times to take a break were difficult. We did manage to get out of town for a week. It was down to Fort Lauderdale for our franchise training. So yes it was work related but the best part was, we were away together, with no doctors, appointments, treatments, testing etc to worry about for a week. I can’t tell you how huge that was to have that mental and physical break to get out of town for a short time. Yes we had to take some precautions because Brad’s immune system was compromised due to chemo treatments and we were flying, staying in a hotel, and spending our days around other people. But we got through all that and had a wonderful time learning about our new business and meeting some great people.
There are so many reasons why it can be hard to find that time to get away. But think about this…if you become sick, or end up in hospital because you don’t take care of yourself and have a break, who is going to take care of your loved one?
There are many wonderful organizations around that are there to help the caregiver get the breaks they need. I wish I had known about them while we were going through our journey. While we managed to get through our journey I know there are caregivers out there who are struggling each and every day. There are people who don’t know about some of the services out there that can help relieve some of the daily stresses and give the primary caregiver a much needed break.
If you are a caregiver or know someone who is, then please join us for our radio show on Wednesday May 11, 2011 at 3:30pm Pacific Time. It is only 30 minutes and you can hear us on http://www.blogtalkradio.com/have2cruise I have a wonderful lady who is the mother of two autistic teenage boys and she will be talking about how caregivers can take breaks. The episode is called “A Mommy Getaway”. We will even have a time for Q&A if you have any questions. If you miss the show, that’s okay as it will be archived at the website listed. So I encourage you to join us live or to listen afterwards and start thinking about ways to take a break and relax, refresh, and rejuvenate yourself.
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